Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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