Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize