My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I checked into jail on foursquare
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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