fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
