The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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