The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
