I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
