so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I need water and some morals
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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