I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
