dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
