Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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