I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
