You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
