sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
