he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just want nice things and good sex
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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