i don't like sucking hair
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
