i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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