Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm passing your future prison.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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