Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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