just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Randomize
