in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
