yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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