Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
