I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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