i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
