We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
