Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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