I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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