All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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