Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
