Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
