3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
