I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
