Joe is yelling at the trees again.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My apartment stinks of burning failure
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
