My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wish I could teleport
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
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so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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