well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
