dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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