I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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