just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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