I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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