You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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