I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
