i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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