we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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