Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
