Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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