She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize