If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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