i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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