like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
