farters have to be the big spoon...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
