I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
