he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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