was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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