no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
