And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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