In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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