How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
