i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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