i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
