she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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