one might say we're banned from that church
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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