He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
