I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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