I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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