I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
