Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
