don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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