did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
