u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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