Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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