This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
