It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
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dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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