What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
