So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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