Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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