Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
