we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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