while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
