8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize