Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
