Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
