Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
