as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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