"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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