Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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