You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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