You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
