I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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