Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
