She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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