If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
